Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
