please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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