after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
