Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
