my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't put those talents on a resume
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
