one two three fourrrrnication!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
