i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
