thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
