I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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