I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
