When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
