If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
