it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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