There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had sex on a roof
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize