after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
