tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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