Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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