I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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