Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
