I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
