Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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