Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize