Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
