we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
