I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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