You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
