That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This is the high leading the old right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize