I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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