I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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