that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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