Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
