she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
