I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
