And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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