You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
