Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
