I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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