What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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