did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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