i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
