Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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