I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
