did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
