Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
