We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
