So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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