...so i touched it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize