I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
