Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
