in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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