so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
