We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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