btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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