I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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