Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
