I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
