areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So vagazzling was a success
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
