i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
