No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
