I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
