It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
