I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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