Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
