She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
