I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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