can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
