I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
