Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
