I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
