woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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