i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
