Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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