it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
