fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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